Friday, 17 March 2017

You will never be a mans number one priority and thats okay?

The above was a caption that I stumbled on and beneath was what I thought was a beautiful abstract image of two souls of the opposite sex coming together in union. But what I read in the very large caption below haunted me for days.

After two days of searching and stalking months and months through my friend's Facebook profile I found it the picture. I bloody found it.

It's a segment from a book that was written by David Deida. This writer meant well; trying to encourage men to find their passion and purpose in the world. And it was relatable. And he geos on to speak more about women and for me, he was dead on. My relationships are my number one priority in my life.

I am not going to lie about the fact that I did feel sad. I confronted my boyfriend when I got home to find out if it was true, and therefore, true about me being basically just an amusing noise in the background of his priorities. He laughed and shrugged it off, so I rolled over and went to sleep, trying to forget what I had read in the first place.

I spoke to a friend from work about it and it sparked up an interesting discussion but we both ended up where the article had left us.
And maybe I am so vain and selfish that I want to be someone's whole world, or first priority.

But it was after a week perhaps that I realized how wrong this guy was. Or at least, how wrong his conclusion was. He states that a man is happiest when he is at work and things are going well. It's his escape from his family drama's and troubles. When work is going bad, he is stressed. And despite that his partner my try to cheer him and to an extent succeed, he is not really happy.

Just because someone is their number one priority in their life, doesn't mean they are going spend every waking second obsessing when they hit a rough patch. What kind of stable, trusting and committed relationship is that? People have other stuff to deal with and deep down they know their partner isn't going anywhere so why should that affect other important aspects in their lives?
Work is different. Work is not so permanent and a few rough patches could mean the end of your career. So yeah, duh, it sucks when work isn't going well.

Men often see themselves as the breadwinners of the family. They feel as if they need to support themselves and the ones they love. They want to see food on the table, a stress free household and a vacation at the end of the year where they can live it up stress and work free with those they care about.

Can David honestly say that men prefer to be at work then anywhere else?

I think he is right that work has a very significant impact on a man. Of course. It's the same for women as well but at the end of a hard and rough day at work, my boyfriend makes me feel better and I know that whatever happens, whether I leave or get told to go, I know it will be okay because I have him and he will help me in whatever way.

So maybe its the whole ideas of masculinity that contribute to this mindset by men. They want to be and feel independent. It's great to have a lending hand from their partner and they're grateful but they don't want to have to be in that situation where they need to accept help.

Speak up if you disagree with me and lean towards the ideas depicted by David, please. I'm open and interested to ideas.

But at the same while, although I know David is helping men find their purpose and happiness in life, I think he has the conclusion of it all wrong. Maybe he needed to dig deeper as opposed to just finding the patterns.

P.S I apologize for the awful quality screenshot

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