September in a nutshell

It has been quite difficult to maintain ideas on what to write these days. A year ago, it was effortless.

So I am going to try something new that even my lazy-and-suddenly-uncreative-mind can keep up with, and that’s by posting every month, summarising that very month by presenting a range of cluttered ideas, moods and thoughts.

August was a month of recovering from my overseas travels and job searching so I have little to say to about that month. Except that of course, I found a job that I am quite fond of and am currently in my second week.

September on the other hand has given me the desire and energy to explore. The wild flowers are blossoming so it would be a shame not to get in nature and admire Spring’s handiwork. The sun is rising earlier I notice on my morning jogs and images in my head of the summer I want to create excite me.

Mood { I guess we are all trying to get to know ourselves. I’ve learnt more about myself this year so far. I don’t think we truly know ourselves until we hate who we are. A strong feeling of dislikement for who I am seeped in early September – where I wouldn’t even want to be friends with me - and I didn’t know where to go from there. Now I realise the next step is to improve. Admitting is the first step.

(At least my dog loves me for me)

Idea { Maybe our drunk selves that we hate and pretend never showed their face that fateful night has something to teach us? Of course there are the obvious teachings that we shouldn’t have drunk so much or acted the way we did. But maybe that drunken idiot had a subconscious motive. And I feel it is time to let go of the people that brought that psychotic drunk out. Not that they were handing me the ammo or anything. But why did my other half feel the need to drink so much? Of course my other half likely has issues, but perhaps it was the atmosphere that my other half did not feel comfortable in.

Thought { I have begun to let go of those I consider negative energies, from my life. I haven't seen any miraculous changes so far, but I do feel as if a weight, albeit small, has been lifted from me.

The thing about 'negative energies' however, do not necessarily have to mean people who simply put you down. They don't have to be bullies. They don't have to be people you disagree with.

They can be very good people.

But they can not be good people, for you.

I realize that now. I was trying hard to establish and maintain friendships with people who may not have been suitable for me.
One should never feel that they question they're words prior to speaking them in order to fit in, or that their ideas or topics of communication are not welcome. For many people, those that I consider for myself 'negative' are perfect for many other people. We simply clash too much that I feel as if I am withholding myself if not, losing myself.

And it's okay to feel that way, no matter how many memories you may share. Because people change, especially yourself. And you will meet people who share those new interests and your way of speaking and find your topics of conversation interesting. Until you change again.

19th of September,
My friend and I made a video for a competition that was announced on Triple J. The objective is to make a video that showcases one's 'air djing' talents to win tickets, as well as other additions, for the Listen Out festival.
My friends and I already have tickets and so the prizes weren't what appealed me to the challenge.
I had been driving home when I heard about the competition, and instantly began to wonder 'what would I do in the video'. I had no intentions of actually making one, until I got home, shared my ideas with my friend and within minutes we were making arrangements.
She came over the Saturday night to film and edit and did not leave until midnight. We had an absolute blast making the video, laughing so hard that we couldn't stand straight.
Unfortunately we didn't win, but that's okay. I am glad we did it.
I did feel as if we embarrassed ourselves by posting the video to social media for everyone we know; for the people we drunkenly added on Facebook during a night out; for our family to see and risk them commenting. I know that we got quite a few disapproving opinions from people, and at first that had bothered me and made me consider taking it down.
But now I am proud; whether winners or not. Because I thought it was funny. And if I was able to make someone smile, then that is good enough for me.

Video available here: https://www.facebook.com/chanice.edmonds/videos/10213728110948136/