Thursday, 23 March 2017

We lied alot

An except from a story I am still in the process of writing, and quite honesty, starting:

We lied a lot. Nothing big. Nothing exactly major. 
Mostly on things we didn’t even have to lie about. 

They were less than white lies. They were more of exaggerations, mostly of why; of why we acted a certain away or why we did what we did. They were half true. Half not. 

They were the missing pieces in the explanations that we tried to give, in the hopes that we would understand each other for things we didn’t quite understand ourselves.

Monday, 20 March 2017

What Recipe Are You?

Quite often, and by 'often' I mean at least three times a day, I get into a mood where I severely dislike something about myself.
More than often it's regarding a body part that I was so unfortunately born with and would cost me a small fortune to have it changed, and the more I stare at it, the more I hate it and wonder how I could ever be attractive. This most frequently occurs after seeing a photo of someone else with the same body part, however a better one because they were blessed with better genes or something. 

Sometimes it may even be a characteristic within my personality and believe me when I say I try to change that about myself but unfortunately personalities are not surgically editable. 

After approximately five minutes have passed, my brain leads me to a quote I either read or heard on some television show and it never ceases to make me feel better. So I would like to share this with you folk so that on your most insecure days your brain will lead you to recall it as well and you will feel better until your next ridiculous and unforeseeable breakdown. 

I honestly can't remember how exactly it goes and I don't take credit for this but it something along the lines of cake ingredients. Flour, sugar, eggs, milk, maybe some cocoa powder, vanilla essence. Individually these ingredients are pretty boring and plain and to eat on their own wouldn't be all that desirable. But together they make one fine ass cake. 
It isn't exactly poetic but it is definitely true. 
You can't focus on yourself as individual body parts when they come together to make something pretty awesome. 

So there you go. 

Friday, 17 March 2017

You will never be a mans number one priority and thats okay?

The above was a caption that I stumbled on and beneath was what I thought was a beautiful abstract image of two souls of the opposite sex coming together in union. But what I read in the very large caption below haunted me for days.

After two days of searching and stalking months and months through my friend's Facebook profile I found it the picture. I bloody found it.

It's a segment from a book that was written by David Deida. This writer meant well; trying to encourage men to find their passion and purpose in the world. And it was relatable. And he geos on to speak more about women and for me, he was dead on. My relationships are my number one priority in my life.

I am not going to lie about the fact that I did feel sad. I confronted my boyfriend when I got home to find out if it was true, and therefore, true about me being basically just an amusing noise in the background of his priorities. He laughed and shrugged it off, so I rolled over and went to sleep, trying to forget what I had read in the first place.

I spoke to a friend from work about it and it sparked up an interesting discussion but we both ended up where the article had left us.
And maybe I am so vain and selfish that I want to be someone's whole world, or first priority.

But it was after a week perhaps that I realized how wrong this guy was. Or at least, how wrong his conclusion was. He states that a man is happiest when he is at work and things are going well. It's his escape from his family drama's and troubles. When work is going bad, he is stressed. And despite that his partner my try to cheer him and to an extent succeed, he is not really happy.

Just because someone is their number one priority in their life, doesn't mean they are going spend every waking second obsessing when they hit a rough patch. What kind of stable, trusting and committed relationship is that? People have other stuff to deal with and deep down they know their partner isn't going anywhere so why should that affect other important aspects in their lives?
Work is different. Work is not so permanent and a few rough patches could mean the end of your career. So yeah, duh, it sucks when work isn't going well.

Men often see themselves as the breadwinners of the family. They feel as if they need to support themselves and the ones they love. They want to see food on the table, a stress free household and a vacation at the end of the year where they can live it up stress and work free with those they care about.

Can David honestly say that men prefer to be at work then anywhere else?

I think he is right that work has a very significant impact on a man. Of course. It's the same for women as well but at the end of a hard and rough day at work, my boyfriend makes me feel better and I know that whatever happens, whether I leave or get told to go, I know it will be okay because I have him and he will help me in whatever way.

So maybe its the whole ideas of masculinity that contribute to this mindset by men. They want to be and feel independent. It's great to have a lending hand from their partner and they're grateful but they don't want to have to be in that situation where they need to accept help.

Speak up if you disagree with me and lean towards the ideas depicted by David, please. I'm open and interested to ideas.

But at the same while, although I know David is helping men find their purpose and happiness in life, I think he has the conclusion of it all wrong. Maybe he needed to dig deeper as opposed to just finding the patterns.

P.S I apologize for the awful quality screenshot

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Net Gen

Do you know what I think is one of the biggest problems with our generation? And now, I say this with a personal and hyprocritial approach as I myself, am too not immune to this trait.
But I believe one of our biggest problems is our determination to be so different from others.

I came to this thought when stalking someone's instagram profile and coming across a picture that says, 'don't just be another brick'.
But what is wrong with being a brick? Someone has to be brick. Or should we just have a wall with all these missing pieces; trying to fill the gaps with rolls of toilet paper or shells? What's the practicality in that?

Yeah okay, no one is going to point at a brick after one glance and say, "I like that brick. Yep, that one right there. That's my brick."
And maybe if we all come across as the same, it will be harder to find the best person for us.

But what I am trying to say is that we aren't all so different. We are all born and living in the same world - how different can all our thoughts and values be? Obviously not EVERYONE is the same. There are a lot of different kinds of bricks out there, afterall. But you aren't going to be the only brick just like you. There is plenty. Many. A lot. And there will be tiny little things that separate you from one another, of course. Just like no brick is EXACTLY like another brick.

But what's wrong with being bricks? Why are we trying so hard to be different? I think we need to celebrate our similarities.

It seems most people are on this road to be different, 'themselves', but I don't think many consider maybe the fact, that who they are deep down, is really not so different from someone beside them.

I wanted to be different. I wanted to be original. I wanted to believe that I was truly unique and in some very small ways, I am. There is no one exactly like me. But the difference is probably not very obvious. I am not that different. Not really. 

And that's okay. 

There are seven billion people in the world. 

Why are we constantly searching to be different? It is a satisfaction we will probably never have. 

It's good finding someone who thinks exactly like you. It's great finding someone with your same sense of humor. It is amazing having someone close to you with the same values. The same fashion taste. The same goals and aspirations. The same creative hobbies. 

Being another brick isn't that bad. 

I'm not saying don't try to achieve your goals of fame, riches or to inspire. Don't give up your creativity or ideas.
Just accept the fact that there is more than likely someone else/s out there with similar ideas, goals and creations and that really isn't so bad. 

If you were all to come together as bricks, imagine what kind of amazing building you guys could make. 

Thursday, 26 January 2017

Australia Day 2017

The annual public holiday where we celebrate this country arrived and it was amazing. We went out on a friend's boat to a little island called Little Island just off Whitfords beach. 
It was very small as the name entitles, but surrounded by reef where we all took turns snorkeling and swimming through caves and admiring the pretty fish. 

It was a last minute plan but I can gladly say that I thoroughly enjoyed my day. 

Lately however that has been a lot, like a lot, of controversy over celebrating Australia on the 26th of January. 
The day means different things to different people. In particular, the day reminds the original people of this land about the horrors and sad history that eventually followed after the first fleet arrived. 

I just want to say that Australia Day is not seen by the majority as a day of being thankful for the first fleet that had arrived on the same day 200 and something years ago. But instead, is a day where we show our appreciation, enjoy the public holiday with friends and family (some a little more than others) and reflect on the amazing country that is ours.

I celebrate Australia Day with a large feeling of patriotism due to my pride for this country. I am grateful for the education systems that we have; for the health systems available for everyone; for being clean and having a truck that picks up rubbish from homes weekly which is a luxury for so many other countries; for being a nation that encourage individualism, multiculturalism and accepting different lifestyles. 

We can't change the past, but we can learn from it. And every year that this day comes around, I am thankful that it seems we learn a little more each time. 

Thursday, 19 January 2017

Why Did the Lisbon Girls Kill Themselves?

If you're obsessed with the Virgin Suicides like me, then that probably means that you are well and truly into the double digits of the amount of times you have viewed the film, or perhaps read the book about 3-4 times now.

Perhaps it is the classic and iconic tale that triggered your obsession. Or perhaps you could relate to the themes. Or maybe it was the beauty in the language and imagery.

For me, it was during the time I was becoming interested in directors and had just watched the Bling Ring featuring some of my favorite actors. It was an odd film, I'll definitely say that. But I loved it. Especially the directing by Sofia Coppola, so I began to look more into her films. That's when I stumbled across the Virgin Suicides.

I had heard about this story before and had seen images back in my Tumblr days, so I rented the move from the local video store and fell in love. It was the imagery that I first fell for. It is a beautiful film with amazing aesthetics and I loved how it contrasted with the overall themes in the narrative. It was a dark story but the photographic shots were so lovely; darkness behind it or not.

A few months later I began to relate to the film on more levels than having the urge to recreate the shots. I fell in love with the story itself, watched the movie a few more times before buying the book, and dwelling even deeper into the narrative.

The thing I love most about this story though is that despite the number of times I read the book or watch the movie, I notice and understand something I hadn't before, and feel one step closer to understanding the suicides but never quite.
And the fact that the story is told through the eyes of a group of boys who had fallen for these girls, tried to learn and understand them but could never get close enough contributed to the dreamy and roar-ness of the story that does not sugar coat the girls and their tale, but is so beautifully realistic. 

The following is my personal perspective and discussion on the reasons and causes of the Lisbon girls' suicides.

Both in the book and the movie we know that Cecilia, the first suicide to occur within the family, had an astrology mobile (quite like her father had an astronomy one). Unfortunately in the book it does not go into much detail on what particular signs are hanging from her roof, but in the film we see an M and a crab. These represent Virgo and Cancer - which I know due to my 'mild' obsession with astrology. From my understanding of Cecilia, and clearly Sofia Coppola's as well, I am more than certain that Cecilia was a Virgo Sun sign and a Cancer Moon.

Being a Virgo Sun meant that she cared about the environment and animals, which is extremely evident in the both forms of narrative. Cecilia cared about the world that was slowly deteriorating thanks to the help of man, also evident by her love for the elm tree in the front yard and the passages in her diary.
Being a Cancer Moon meant Cecilia was very emotional - the most emotional of the signs in fact. But the hard shell meant she did not exactly show it. Behind her quiet and calm exterior was an ocean of emotions that she never shared, resulting in her bottling it up before sending her over the edge (pun unintended).
Perhaps this is not the reason for the first suicide that then triggered the others, but I do believe it contributed greatly. And, well, it isn't hard to notice that her sister's and parent's didn't exactly meet Cecilia's emotional needs.

After Cecilia's death, much like the infected elms, it 'released a poison into the air', infecting the other sisters who soon follow in Cecilia's steps. This was my biggest and first belief for the reasoning behind the deaths. I believed that Cecilia and her illness was toxic, and being trapped in the house for months, the sister's had no way of escaping it. The residue of death, despite that the fence was removed for safety reasons, still stained Cecilia's bedroom and the house. I believe the dying elm trees, that if left, would pass its disease to the others was a metaphor in the story. 

Bu then I began to believe the most common cause of the sister's suicides was due to the lack of freedom and containment. The girls were trapped in the house, practically held captive from life and the fresh air thanks to their overly strict mother. Each of the girls had somewhat personal dreams. Mary wanted to be a sophisticated member in society. Therese wanted to be a scientist. And Lux wanted to live a life of fun and teenage mischief but all were deprived of this.
They wanted to travel and see the world, which we know from their frequent ordering of travel books. But had only their imagination to do the exploring. 

The only time we are told in the book that the girls were getting better was when they began to see the school therapist. It is conclusive then to our knowledge that the girls had no one. They had no friends. And in the end of the story the boys and their extreme obsession and love for the Lisbon Girls, never actually helped. They tried, I will give them that. They wanted to know them and they thought they had. But the tragic conclusion of the girl's lives made it evident that they didn't. And they didn't help. 

I still don't quite understand the exact reasons. But I think that is what is so lovely about the story. It really makes you think about mental illnesses and the act of committing suicide.
But maybe I have been looking at it all wrong. Instead of trying to find one reason, maybe there are many. And maybe that is the mistake the boys are making too.
Because there never really is one cause, is there? There's many. All overlapping and influencing each other in some way. Quite like life and all of life's experiences. 

Perhaps if the girls' had reached out more for help, it wouldn't have ended this way. I don't know.
And perhaps we never will. And neither will the boys who tried.  

I know that this is just a story. But this film and book really connects and inspires me. It really is within the top three of my favorite films (Easy A just coming in first). 
And if a story can erupt something more than entertainment from the viewer; make them feel something, think and wonder, then it is gifted. And it's the only thing I ever hope to be able to do as well. 

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Positive Starts

There's nothing like beginning the new year with a bang, and by 'bang' I mean something being destroyed like for instance, my job. 

I guess losing your job at any time in the year sucks, for sure. But perhaps if it had taken place, when it was announced that I would no longer keep my role and title in a position that I that dedicated everything to, bent over backwards for, and often jeopardized my social status and seeing friends and family for, would suck at any time of the year. But if it had happened at the end of last year, I can't help but think that I would be sad for whatever was left of 2016 and go into the new year positive with a mindset that told me it was for a reason. 

But despite that, this is a good thing. I have been offered another position within this industry. In the eyes of employees this role isn't necessarily better, but, on most occasions the pay is. 

So this all happened in one day. Yesterday to be in fact. I cried a lot at first which I am not proud of. It's hard feeling like all your hard work that got overlooked and the shit you took for a year in the hopes that people would one day notice your achievements was for nothing.
But it isn't for nothing. Not at all. I know that now. 

It looks good on my resume. I have experience. And, thankfully, after applying for jobs on Linkedin and editing my CV, I was told that I still have a job. I am much luckier than most to be able to say that. 

I turned down an offer made to me five months ago to move to Canada this year because of my job. I argued that I had a very good position with so many opportunities to move up and beyond and I couldn't just let it go to travel the world.
Next year will be different however. I am feeling very inspired. 

I am going to save, accept that offer and travel, work and see the world. 

I guess my problem was that I was trying to be older by focusing on my career that did make me happy for a while. But in the end it was much harder, physically and mentally, than I had originally anticipated. The workplace bullying coming mostly in forms of passive-aggressiveness and demeaning  jokes wasn't worth it anymore. And for the first time in a long time, I am happy, and excited, and ready to act the age that I am.  

So, here's a toast to positive starts *raises and sips coffee*