The Hermit

Realising is easy. The hard part is doing something with those realisations. 

"He walks through the dark night of his unconscious, guided only by the low light of the northern star, with his destination being his home, his self."

In the last year I have encountered The Hermit card in tarot so many times that it exceeds the natural perimeters of coincidence, surpassing into the realm of something much more. 

The Hermit is the 9th card of the Major Arcana, and the 9th stage of the Fool's (human's) journey. 

I wouldn't say that I have spent more time alone this year than previous ones, but I will say I have spent more time alone by choice than ever before. But aside from the obvious aspect of The Hermit card: isolation, retreating (don't need to be a novice in tarot to gather that), it represents a stage of introspection, reflecting, learning about oneself, seeking inner wisdom, solitude, understanding, and all round soul-searching. 

This past year has been a major reflection of this. Instead of seeking validation or comfort or assurance or whatever from other people, as I so desperately did in the past, I sought it from my own being, instead. I embraced my fear of abandonment by intentionally being alone, so as to prove to myself, "Hey, this isn't so bad." And perhaps it worked a little too well that moving states, leaving friends and family behind, was not difficult. I put less effort in maintaining relationships, if at all, because that energy could be better used elsewhere, in my creative pursuits, for instance. 

This Hermit period in my life has had an almost self-righteous impact on me. I have found the beauty in my own energy, the liberation of being unaffected by the energies and vibes of other people, the relief of not having to match other people, instead free to float in my own flow, whether it be on a wave of euphoria or a still ocean of melancholy. I have been able to learn myself, heal myself, and grow by myself, seeking guidance only from within. 

But the danger with the Hermit phase is the comfort and stability in it. I have had no desire to make new connections, and aside from a couple of the closest people in my life, I have no desire to maintain old ones. And I was fine with this - nay, adamant on not changing this. Why would I? 

And then it hit me. Of course I'd rather stay in the confinement of my own solitude. It's safe. It's comfortable. Why would I want to go out there and communicate and share and bond with other people? Why would I want my flaws and my insecurities mirrored back at me by other people? It's far easier to be ignorant; easier to be naive; easier to be in denial of the things to heal and fix and tweak within the mechanics of my mind and soul. Because that's the thing; we usually don't know what we want to change or improve until someone else points it out, whether directly or inadvertently. 

I had a conversation with my good friend and housemate after a tarot reading, and you guessed it, I got the Hermit card. "I think you need to spend more time with yourself. I don't think you should bother about dating or boys," she said. 

"That's all I've been doing," I argued, much to my surprise considering I was quite fond of my quiet wise friend. 

"No one is going to save you," she added.

"I'm not looking to be saved. I can save myself, in fact, I did save myself. I've healed and I've learnt and now it's time to put my teachings into practice." 

A recent romantic connection brought about the opportunity for doing exactly that. As realisation after realisation came after its conclusion, it became obvious now why I had been so reluctant to return to the rest of the world; and while I thought this recuperation was brave and independent, and perhaps it began that way, I see now that it became a place of escape and denial; a prison built by my own hands. Because hiding is easy; being honest, open and roar is hard, especially when I haven't had to do it for so long; rendering me shutting down and incapable of speaking my truths. 

But I'm grateful that my lessons and realisations came about in such a beautiful way. I'm grateful for the memories and experiences. And I'm grateful for myself, for trying to be better. 

And so if you relate, I applaud you for embracing the wisdom, solitude and recuperation of the Hermit. But just remember, it is not a place to dwell too long.