The Distraction

I have found comfort through distractions. 

Friends. Hobbies. Lovers. Alcohol. 

These indulges had been so regular, so easy, so ordinary, that I hadn't even known what I was distracting myself from, or that I was even distracting myself for that matter.

But eventually these distractions got out of hand. I'd neglected all my responsibilities and found bills piling up because the spare hours in my day was spent painting, surfing, or out with friends. 

Eventually lovers sought to hold a larger place within my life and I would realise that I had cornered myself, now feeling the pressure of my own recklessness. How can one decline these offers when the reason is simply, "I merely sought a distraction which at times you provided."

And alcohol. The distraction which is my biggest weakness. The one I seek the most often. The one I crave.

It doesn't take long until recreational drinks over the company of friends and laughter quickly turns to drinks in the garden, my home, alone. 

It was with this last distraction that I had finally understood the means of my life these last 6 months. 

How had everything gotten out of hand? How had I gotten out of hand? 

And that's when I realised the power of distraction. And perhaps it worked all too well, because I am still faced with the same feelings and baggage to which had led me to seek such things in the first place. 

But perhaps all is well. I understand now. 

For someone who feels so deeply about everything, I do not allow myself to feel very much at all.

But if I don't allow myself to feel, I will be nothing but a shell seeking distractions - unable to move on with the rest of their life because they're too busy running from the past.

So don't be me.

Feel.