Sentimental and Nostalgic
One the aspects of my personality is being deeply, completely and overly sentimental. It's why I keep a box full of memorabilia like festival wristbands, movie tickets, shells and cards. I find it difficult to let go of absolutely anything.
Although, my younger sister was a lot worse. She'd stand at the bin with her empty soda can for minutes, reminiscing of the last half hour they spent together before bidding farewell with teary eyes.
Okay, I'm not that bad, but I'm still pretty bad.
I have had a journal since I was twelve, and not all of it is interesting or full of hot gossip, but still I must write down these insignificant events due to my fear of forgetting them, and therefore losing them, insignificant or not.
But perhaps it is due to this trait that I stay around when I shouldn't. When I hold on to a person only because of the memories we shared. Because I long for those times I cherished so much, even though the person in those times is not that person anymore.
For a long time I stuck around in a friendship I should have left a long time ago. It took my too long to realise the other person had changed. Even after all the manipulation, the guilt, the negativity and the put downs, I stuck around, holding onto to them and hoping with all my heart for things to get better; for the drained feeling I felt after spending time with them to ease. But I realised I was just holding onto the person they used to be. And the friendship we had.
Although, my younger sister was a lot worse. She'd stand at the bin with her empty soda can for minutes, reminiscing of the last half hour they spent together before bidding farewell with teary eyes.
Okay, I'm not that bad, but I'm still pretty bad.
I have had a journal since I was twelve, and not all of it is interesting or full of hot gossip, but still I must write down these insignificant events due to my fear of forgetting them, and therefore losing them, insignificant or not.
But perhaps it is due to this trait that I stay around when I shouldn't. When I hold on to a person only because of the memories we shared. Because I long for those times I cherished so much, even though the person in those times is not that person anymore.
For a long time I stuck around in a friendship I should have left a long time ago. It took my too long to realise the other person had changed. Even after all the manipulation, the guilt, the negativity and the put downs, I stuck around, holding onto to them and hoping with all my heart for things to get better; for the drained feeling I felt after spending time with them to ease. But I realised I was just holding onto the person they used to be. And the friendship we had.
Sometimes it helps in a friendship to tell that person they've changed.
ReplyDeleteReading this struck a cord for me and really gave me a kick up the ass, as I look back and see all my faults. I see how my life began to spiral down hill and I see how It affected those around me as I so desperately scraped and clawed at anything I could to be pulled out. I became so small as a person and the people around me lost hope and left me in my own mess and I couldn't figure out why; when I was there for them Through all of their troubles. I see now that it was my decision to stick around them and try to pull them out as best as I could, and rather than be an expectation for others to do that in return, I should simply realise that people will not always treat me how i treated them or how I want to be treated. I should find gratitude in those who do stick around and try and help and mostly BE HONEST. No one can help if they don't know what's truly going on. I've learnt a lot about priorities and rather than doing things that make you happy on a day to day basis, gaining happiness from goals and each step you take towards them.
I'm working every day to build myself back, not to the person I used to be, but to a person even better with these new insights to life that I am learning every day. I'm learning to be whole again.
So thank you for having a blog and being able to get this message across to me and I'm glad that you feel happier now that That person is not in your life. I'm glad you've managed to escape the pain that She had let consume herself due to prior experiences, but I promise she is using every bit of her strength every day, to build a better self on her own, without the support she thought she needed.