Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Things that Alita Kay knows for sure (kind of not really) about break ups.

1. Things are almost never black and white. 
    So maybe your partner messed up and did something they very well shouldn't have. It's easy to claim it was for one specific reason, but more times than not, that one reason derived from a hundred other reasons. Sometimes when your partner or even you do something, it could be them subconsciously acting out in order to deal or tell you something.

2. Cheating isn't always so simple.
    Cheating sucks and it is a very hard place to come back from. In fact, I don't think many couples ever do. Trust isn't something that can magically be put together and the paranoia of it happening again can often be worse than the break up itself. But very often I have found, when someone cheats, sometimes it's due to more than a mere slip up. Some people cheat because they're scared, they feel vulnerable or maybe they're insecure and need to feed their ego.

3. Sometimes the thing that makes you the most upset with breaking up with
    is the feeling of rejection, rather than the feeling of loss. 
Humans have large egos that we must constantly tend to. It's why pretty much the entire planet has some form of social media. No one likes to feel unwanted. 

4. 'Graduation Goggles'. 
    For those of you who haven't watched How I Met Your Mother (and I strongly recommend that you do), the 'Graduation Goggles' theory, is the theory that once someone has made the conscious decision to break up with someone for whatever reason, one may find they no longer want to. Until down the line they realize that they are still not happy. 
Think of it as graduating. Often people hate school, count the days until they can leave, but on their last few days they suddenly don't mind everyone, realizing that they may never see them again and feel some form of nostalgia.
The same theory can apply with quitting a job. Or moving houses. 
Anyway, back on topic. Listen to your gut. Don't give in to the graduation goggles or else things will only get harder as the time goes on.

5. Pain.
    When the break up itself takes place, I have found that the females are the ones crying, distraught, not leaving their room for days on end and not consuming much food for weeks. The pain hits them hard. Its excruciating. And due to our emotional design, we have no other choice but to feel the break-up's wrath. But I don't think this is a bad thing at all.
Sometimes it is best to feel everything, for however long it takes no matter how much it hurts. Eventually (weeks probably months), one may find they have felt all their pain, and there is not much left to feel. 
Whereas for boys and the masculine expectations that society has inflicted upon them, feeling broken and sad after a break-up is quite frowned upon. Boys bottle up their emotions and at first they may seem fine, but I'll tell you now, this does a lot more damage then merely feeling it in the beginning. Feeling it, the pain will feed on you for a while but not nearly as long as the pain will feed on you if you bottle it up, slowly tearing at the lid until it explodes (often in other forms) that you had thought was sealed on tight. 

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