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Monday, 29 August 2016

Acting on Impulse


In reference to my post, ‘apologies for the neglect’, my conclusion of the entry was true.

 

I was happy, or so I thought for some time. Radical change in your life can be both a refreshing and exciting thing until you realize that you had it better before and the change sucked. Why? Because I was bored maybe; needed a change of scenery or the whole idea of being independent and moving out of home, being free to go out on a weekday without the judgment of my grandparents seemed like an offer I could not refuse.

 

Now nothing bad exactly went down in my life after this time. There were no dramatic problems turning my life upside down. But I did realize that the underlying problem I ignored by keeping busy and holding myself back from dwelling, was in fact me.

 

I am an impulsive person. I make a decision and rather than think it over, I go right ahead and do it in the fear that I will change my mind. But then changing my mind can often be a good thing. And in hindsight, I wish I had changed my mind, rather than carry out something impulsively and regrettably without thinking it properly through.
I wonder why I do these things. I don’t know. I give up too quickly, perhaps.
Or maybe I need the change of scenery in order to appreciate my original view.

 

And my original view had been great. At times it appeared grey and dark and I didn’t think the rays of the sun would seep back in, but then again, I didn’t wait for it to either. I gave up, packed up and left, both my home, and the person who represented every idea I believed a home would feel like.

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