Skyscrapers & Outbreaks

Do you ever have dreams about your partner cheating on you?

Who am I kidding. If you're in a relationship, the odds are that you definitely have.

They're not fun and the relief of waking up and realizing that it was a dream is often so overwhelming that I burst out into tears, thankful it wasn't real.

After four years with my boyfriend, I still get the occasional dreams. Honestly, we have been together for long enough, and I know him well enough, that I never think about losing him. It's a surreal thought. It's unnecessary. I completely trust him and I know that if things ever got rocky he would communicate and try, well before he did anything drastic. 

So when these nightmares occur, they shake me to my core. I can barely breathe and the snippets linger with me for the entire day. I never think about losing him but those nightmares remind me of what I deep down really fear. The days to follow are filled with gratitude and appreciation for him, but they are also filled with insecurity and the desperate need for reassurance. 

Anyway, I wrote a poem about this. Hope you like it. It's called Skyscrapers and Outbreaks. 
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The desire to climb

To the tallest leaf

The fear of heights

Keeping the excitement brief

Dreams of being trapped on the roof

Of a towering skyscraper

Lying down and hoping

Not to fly off like a piece of paper

Then I’m not sure exactly when it started

But I remember when it got out hand

The irrational fear of zombies

At fourteen the seriousness began

I recall struggling to sleep

And listening out for any sound

The slightest rumble of wind

Meant zombies were all around

Nightmares during most sleeps

Of broken limbs dragging along

Grasping and grabbing me

Their bellows echoing like a choir song

Death, plague and other sensible fears

Never hit me very deep

Stuck on buildings and outbreaks

Have stolen the most sleep 

Then I turned eighteen

I suddenly had something to lose

Sharks, spiders, zombies and heights

Are nothing compared to the absence of my muse

It isn’t so much felt

And I often do forget

Until a nightmare comes

And I wake up in a sweat

For hours I cannot function

My coffee shakes in my hold

As I silently pray to the stars

For those dreams to never unfold

Give me a skyscraper

Or even a pack of zombies I can take on

Long before I could ever handle

The realization that you were gone