Not Everyone's Cup of Tea
I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I can be pretty full on. I can be pretty weird. I barely make sense half the time. But I was okay with this. Because that's who I am and being who I am makes me happy. Even happier so when i can be myself around someone and I had a few someone's like this.
So, it didn't really bother me when some people didn't like me. Oh well, I'm not going to change.
But for my best friend of several years to no longer like me? That was a shock. Even more shocking when I overheard her declaring all the reasons why around a campfire when she had assumed that I had gone to bed. Broke my heart to say the least.
You try to put others before you and you try to be a good person and a good friend and for what? To be humiliated? To hear why you're supposedly such a weirdo by complete chance and you can't decide whether hearing it at all was a good thing?
Let me back up to a previous post a couple years ago called "What Recipe Are You?" It discussed how everyone is a combination of different foods, spices, herbs etc. that not everyone may like and some people may hate. Coriander for instance. I love that shit. But some people don't. Anyways it's the end product - the final dish - that matters. Like why can't you just pick around the aspects you don't like? You don't have to like everything but you should accept it.
I accepted everything about my best friend and she had a lot of nasty, bitchy and self absorbed aspects in her but if dealing with all those meant I got the good aspects too, then so be it. I didn't want her to change. Just wanted to love her for who she is.
But I have a few flaws that apparently can't be dealt with and after being best friends for 4 years, it's suddenly an issue. And I don't know guys... I feel bad for her if she really expects everybody to be perfect for her, she's in for a life of disappointment.
So I have to move on. This feels very much like a break up and it's hard and I have a lot of work to do today but I can think of nothing else and the overpowering urge to cry.
Or maybe I'm too much. There's too many shitty and weird items that make up me and my end product is a burnt piece of charcoal.
It's times like these you can't help but feel that you're the problem. Should I change? Should I suppress who I am? Should I just be what others want me to be?
So, it didn't really bother me when some people didn't like me. Oh well, I'm not going to change.
But for my best friend of several years to no longer like me? That was a shock. Even more shocking when I overheard her declaring all the reasons why around a campfire when she had assumed that I had gone to bed. Broke my heart to say the least.
You try to put others before you and you try to be a good person and a good friend and for what? To be humiliated? To hear why you're supposedly such a weirdo by complete chance and you can't decide whether hearing it at all was a good thing?
Let me back up to a previous post a couple years ago called "What Recipe Are You?" It discussed how everyone is a combination of different foods, spices, herbs etc. that not everyone may like and some people may hate. Coriander for instance. I love that shit. But some people don't. Anyways it's the end product - the final dish - that matters. Like why can't you just pick around the aspects you don't like? You don't have to like everything but you should accept it.
I accepted everything about my best friend and she had a lot of nasty, bitchy and self absorbed aspects in her but if dealing with all those meant I got the good aspects too, then so be it. I didn't want her to change. Just wanted to love her for who she is.
But I have a few flaws that apparently can't be dealt with and after being best friends for 4 years, it's suddenly an issue. And I don't know guys... I feel bad for her if she really expects everybody to be perfect for her, she's in for a life of disappointment.
So I have to move on. This feels very much like a break up and it's hard and I have a lot of work to do today but I can think of nothing else and the overpowering urge to cry.
Or maybe I'm too much. There's too many shitty and weird items that make up me and my end product is a burnt piece of charcoal.
It's times like these you can't help but feel that you're the problem. Should I change? Should I suppress who I am? Should I just be what others want me to be?
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