All Good Things Must Come to an End
What a passionate, exciting, loving, romantic 9 months it had been.
I had felt like I was on a movie.
And like all movies, the storyline consists of a major conflict in order to progress the plot. Sometimes there is a resolution. Sometimes there is not.
In this case, there was not.
I am hurting but I am fine. I am lost but I am strong. Everything will be okay and I have no doubt, no doubt at all, that soon I will re-watch this movie and I won't get sad about the conflict and I won't cry when the two characters go their separate ways. Instead I will smile and think "thank goodness for that," knowing that it led me to my future and my future will be exactly where I want to be.
I'm not bitter. A little angry, of course. That's reasonable in any break up no matter how mutual the separation is. But mostly I am grateful.
I start University today. After 6 years of working fulltime and convincing myself I was exactly where I was, he convinced me to go.
He helped me overcome my addictions with alcohol and cigarettes.
I live a much healthier lifestyle of exercise and the outdoors, thanks to his influence.
And I have learnt so much about what love isn't.
And love isn't just being there, heart all in, vulnerable and willing, only on the good days. It isn't retracting - emotionally distancing yourself after a petty argument. It isn't giving them "suggestions" to improve their life, that they ought to exercise more; or meditate more; or do yoga more; or eat more healthy - despite them doing all these things (and more than you).
It isn't telling them therapy is stupid and useless when they say they made a booking, causing them to cancel it in embarrassment, and then a month later telling them they need psychiatric help.
It isn't throwing money at them when they try to pay for something to be nice.
It isn't responding like "great now I owe them" when they do something nice for you.
Of course, I have learnt a lot about my own mistakes. Honestly, is a good one. I have difficutly being honest about how I feel and expressing my concerns early on. I struggle to be vulnerable and to release my walls (I never quite did). And I get snappy when I feel out of control.
So, I am not bitter. I have learnt a lot. And so for that I am grateful.
I had felt like I was on a movie.
And like all movies, the storyline consists of a major conflict in order to progress the plot. Sometimes there is a resolution. Sometimes there is not.
In this case, there was not.
I am hurting but I am fine. I am lost but I am strong. Everything will be okay and I have no doubt, no doubt at all, that soon I will re-watch this movie and I won't get sad about the conflict and I won't cry when the two characters go their separate ways. Instead I will smile and think "thank goodness for that," knowing that it led me to my future and my future will be exactly where I want to be.
I'm not bitter. A little angry, of course. That's reasonable in any break up no matter how mutual the separation is. But mostly I am grateful.
I start University today. After 6 years of working fulltime and convincing myself I was exactly where I was, he convinced me to go.
He helped me overcome my addictions with alcohol and cigarettes.
I live a much healthier lifestyle of exercise and the outdoors, thanks to his influence.
And I have learnt so much about what love isn't.
And love isn't just being there, heart all in, vulnerable and willing, only on the good days. It isn't retracting - emotionally distancing yourself after a petty argument. It isn't giving them "suggestions" to improve their life, that they ought to exercise more; or meditate more; or do yoga more; or eat more healthy - despite them doing all these things (and more than you).
It isn't telling them therapy is stupid and useless when they say they made a booking, causing them to cancel it in embarrassment, and then a month later telling them they need psychiatric help.
It isn't throwing money at them when they try to pay for something to be nice.
It isn't responding like "great now I owe them" when they do something nice for you.
Of course, I have learnt a lot about my own mistakes. Honestly, is a good one. I have difficutly being honest about how I feel and expressing my concerns early on. I struggle to be vulnerable and to release my walls (I never quite did). And I get snappy when I feel out of control.
So, I am not bitter. I have learnt a lot. And so for that I am grateful.
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