Comfort in Rock Bottom
Rock bottom is not a bad place to be, I have come to find. You could say I've paid a visit a couple times or so. Of course, my version of rock bottom can be entirely different for someone else.
Mine is a town of hopelessness; abanandoned and sunken at the bottom of the ocean. It's where you are completely alone.
The worn walls of the decaying buildings act as a reflection of yourself. And I can't escape me.
And I see my flaws, my mistakes, my embrassments, my pain, my insecurities, my shame, my guilt, my ignorance and my lonliness at every angle. Alcohol helps mildly, but ultimately it only causes more damage.
I am a dweller in this town for some time, and truthfully, I feel that making my way down here was worse. Honestly, Rock Bottom is a relief.
In Rock Bottom, I have already hurt and cut ties to everyone close to me. There is no one around. I have no responsibility to anyone and no one else to cause pain to.
Coming down on the other hand was difficult. I watched as people turned from me. I watched myself destroy relationships with those I love. I didn't want to sink. But I couldn't grasp on to anything and slowly but surely, I fell further into the darkness; into the depths.
The beauty of rock bottom is the stability. It's the lack of ties. It's the freedom to stay; or to rise. Ultimately it is up to you. And as some time goes on I grow comfortable in the darkness and consider letting myself drown. It's for the best and I'm running out of air.
Then unexpectedly and without much thought, I leap and I rise to the surface; quickly. Like when you were a kid and you swam to the bottom of a super deep pool and then you kicked off with so much speed and force; weightless.
And I reach the air just in time, gasping.
Mine is a town of hopelessness; abanandoned and sunken at the bottom of the ocean. It's where you are completely alone.
The worn walls of the decaying buildings act as a reflection of yourself. And I can't escape me.
And I see my flaws, my mistakes, my embrassments, my pain, my insecurities, my shame, my guilt, my ignorance and my lonliness at every angle. Alcohol helps mildly, but ultimately it only causes more damage.
I am a dweller in this town for some time, and truthfully, I feel that making my way down here was worse. Honestly, Rock Bottom is a relief.
In Rock Bottom, I have already hurt and cut ties to everyone close to me. There is no one around. I have no responsibility to anyone and no one else to cause pain to.
Coming down on the other hand was difficult. I watched as people turned from me. I watched myself destroy relationships with those I love. I didn't want to sink. But I couldn't grasp on to anything and slowly but surely, I fell further into the darkness; into the depths.
The beauty of rock bottom is the stability. It's the lack of ties. It's the freedom to stay; or to rise. Ultimately it is up to you. And as some time goes on I grow comfortable in the darkness and consider letting myself drown. It's for the best and I'm running out of air.
Then unexpectedly and without much thought, I leap and I rise to the surface; quickly. Like when you were a kid and you swam to the bottom of a super deep pool and then you kicked off with so much speed and force; weightless.
And I reach the air just in time, gasping.
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