Thoughts of a Pessimist

Out of everything people want the most in life, the main ones come down to three things: fame, money or love.

I myself want lasting love in my life. I am a hopeless romantic. I want that passion and unconditional love and in 50 years, I want to sleep happily with the love of my life by my side.

Sure, I want money, preferably lots of it, but if all I had was my lover and a camera to capture all our sweet moments, I think I would choose that over money anyday.

But yet I am also a pessimist. I want this so bad but I’m not as delusional as many people would insist, and I am aware that this is nearly impossible. How can people stand each other for so long? One of them is doomed to be unfaithful, right? Perhaps my thoughts were influenced by the unhappy marriages I have witnessed within my family. In fact, these depressing predictions probably contribute to 70% of my daily thoughts.

What saddens me the most is that the person you may be with, whom you love and care about more than yourself could eventually be nothing to you. And all those moments and memories you wrote down or captured on a camera to which you hold on to and cherish, will also be nothing.

But (thank heavens there’s a ‘but’), every now and then my beliefs are challenged, like today. I have probably spent a total of two hours on trains today as I tend to be on and while I pass the time, I people-watch. I try to guess what their secret lives are like to which I would never know. I even use the reflections of the windows so that it’s a little less noticeable. Anywho, today I watched two elderly couples on separate trains actually looking like they love each other with the man’s arm draped around the woman’s shoulders or the other couple and how they were whispering to each other and smiling on the chair in front of me. Of course, I immediately check for rings and wallah. A combination of hope and ‘awe’ rush through me and my dreams are restored... at least for a little while.