Sunday, 9 October 2016

Why I Will Wait Until My Thirties to Have Kids

I'm twenty in one month. I know I am far too young to even have the idea of children on my mind yet, but that hasn't stopped me from dwelling on the thought of when an appropriate age would be to have a devil spawn. I guess this also due to the fact that I already have two nephews and a niece, many younger siblings and having children in one's teenage years has been a (very) common occurrence within my family.

I know that having children majority of the time is not planned. Life happens, literally, and the plans we have get thrown completely out the window. I know that. But that won't stop me from at least trying beating the trend of having three children by the time I am 25, which I am so far quite successful at doing. 

Years ago, and by years I mean only a couple, I intended to get married at the still young age of 26. Kids would be ideal within the next year or year after. I always thought that I wanted to be a mother by the time I was 28, at the latest. 

My mother was 18 when she had me, 15 when she had my older sister. Due to her being still so young, we got along really well. She understood us growing up. We were able to talk to her about anything, knowing she wouldn't yell at us or brush us off. It wasn't that long ago that she was going through the same thing, after all.
I have always been very proud of my relationship with my mother. Not only was she someone we could count on and talk to, but she was fun to be around as well. We crack jokes like long times friends. Spending time with her doesn't feel like a chore, but something I utterly enjoy. 

And I wanted the same relationship with my children as well. 

I didn't want to get to the age where I was too mature and knew too much that I completely looked past the aspects of my child's life that is significant to them, but perhaps not so significant to the grand-span of things. I want my child to be able to have fun with me and to tell me everything. I didn't want to have a child at 18 either like my mother, but I did intend to have a child not very long after - while my youth is still very fresh in my mind and I haven't been entirely brainwashed by adulthood and paying taxes. And while my energy is still sufficient enough to go out and doing adventurous things with them. 

I was set on this. Having a great relationship with my children is the ultimate goal and not having one is my biggest fear. But now as time has gone past another fear has pushed past it and is now in the lead that I believe can only be avoided by having children when my own life, of freedom and being independent without having dependents has passed. 
It is the fear of going through a mid-life crisis. 

From my observations of the relationships around me, majority of them have hit large bumps in the road that many people refer to as the crisis that occurs in the middle of the life. It is when people reach a certain age that they realize that their lives are almost over, and the ones of being young and reckless has passed and gone. And they look back at these times in their youth with great nostalgia but also regret.
They're sad that their youth has passed and now they're older and they don't necessarily want to be older. They look down at young adults with envy, wishing they were that age again and could do again what is deemed appropriate for young adults and not so much for middle aged people, to do. 

But something I also noticed among these relationships around me who have or did go through something like this, was that they all had children young. So of course they couldn't get everything out of their system and be young and stupid and do whatever they want because responsibilities came along, and their own happiness no longer came first because something they loved far more than themselves came along. 

So, that is why I will wait until my thirties to have children, and I will do everything in my power to follow through. Because I don't want to wake up one day unhappy and mildly regretful because I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do.
As much as I want that best-friend relationship with my children, I'd rather settle for a standard mother-child relationship than put them through an unhappy marriage like I have experienced first hand and witnessed my cousin's go through. 

I will be selfish and live my life the way I want, and do everything that I want, so that when that day comes along where there is a little human running around with my DNA, I can focus everything on them, be ready for the life ahead because the life gone is done, and I am done with it. 

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